rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
