I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
