New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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