You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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