Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
