i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
