I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
