I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
