Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
