she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
