I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
