Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
