the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
