If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
