i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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