ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i think i just lost a toe
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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