I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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