i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
