The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
