we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
