I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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