Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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