Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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