4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
