Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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