My cat gives me a boner
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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