Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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