I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
