Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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