i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
