I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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