STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
