i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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