Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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