Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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