Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
