You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
