I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
