I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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