Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
