Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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