kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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