it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
