you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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