It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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