Already got asked if we're dating
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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