Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
