Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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