Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He shit in the fireplace
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
