you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
